Backstory of Software {LOL} Engineer

I am also one of the typical software engineers that you see churning out of engineering colleges in India. I am also one of them, very average yet not complaining about it. We are fine. Took a gap of three years after higher secondary, and then did computer science in some private engineering college. No, I didn't get a job in the campus, I was not even eligible for any company in the campus- they wanted first division throughout, and I have a second division in higher secondary. Anyway, going forward, went to Hyderabad after the bachelor and after 6 months, I got a job. Those six months were one of the worst periods of life, I was tired of running after every interview. Imagine, traveling in the general coaches of Indian Railway for full one-two journeys just for one single interview in another state thousand miles away. This was mostly very frustrating because I used to clear all rounds of technical rounds and then get rejected in the HR round. The second division came back haunting. I had no reason to explain why I had scored less. I made excuses obviously. Finally, I came to a place where the interviewers didn't even care about fewer marks and gaps.

Then finally, I became a software engineer. Personally, I was very proud of myself and very thankful to those interviewers as well for giving me an opportunity. I was happy about finding a job but more than that, I was at peace that I would not have to run after another interview again. Those few months of the beginning were blissful. After getting the offer, I moved to a remote village in Kharagpur and stayed there for two weeks, alone, enjoying the calmness after such a long time.  After that, I moved to the place of employment, it was a big city and I was there with a lot of money - 25000 INR per month. That was so lot for me, I used to live in 5000 INR (per month) since I had left home. At home, it was around 50 INR per day, including the petrol cost for my Hero Puck {64 CC; Two Stroke Single Cylinder Air Cooled Engine; Kick Starting' 4.2 PS @ 5500 rpm; Automatic Transmission; 72 kg}.

Then, worked a few years in India in two companies. Attended GATE total five times. Joined and fully paid for a GATE preparation coaching class, but went just once. The coaching place was too far and I was mostly not that enthusiastic to seat in the class from morning to evening. Still no regrets for not going those coaching classes, otherwise, I might have lost my youth the same way I had lost my childhood while preparing for the IIT examination. 

Wrote even CAT examination for fun, didn't even check the score - I knew they would be terrible. Attended interviews just to pass time. Once, attended an interview while being too stoned - was not able to solve the question (very easy it was). Never did this again. Out of these experiments, I was exploring myself.

Though things did go quite well in GATE, actually pretty good and got admission in one of the best universities in Germany. Zero tuition fee. Moved to Germany to pursue higher education. Got opportunities to work with the best of minds from all over the world for the first time in life. Worked on the fastest supercomputer of Europe - SuperMuc. Attended courses that were totally out of my comfort zone. Failed numerous courses. In the third semester, I failed every course except one, but I didn't give up. I caught up in the fourth semester and recover the losses of last semester. Worked on the VirtuWind project that was funded by the European Union. This project was a collaboration of multiple European countries, universities, and companies. It was very challenging but highly satisfying. Time felt slow at that time, I enjoyed being in the ocean of experiment. Also did a part-time software engineer job in a company in Germany while studying. If you are reading this through mobile, there is around 0.5 probability that a few of my codes might be executing between your fingers in your mobile modem. Worked really hard there both in the company and university. For the first time, I scored a decent overall score this time - "Excellent" (Best was "Outstanding").

Worked around 2 years after post-graduation in a start-up in Germany. Built the first e-commerce platform for chemical items in Europe. The product was a success.

Then, overnight, I just lost it. I lost interest in everything. I was just done. Left everything. Left job, I even left my second home - Germany. I had never thought of returning from Germany until then. I went home, but then I left that too. And, went on months-long motorbike trip all over India alone with almost zero connection to the outside world. Thankfully, fiancee was very helpful. Her very little unseen presence felt assuring and comforting. She never complained except once. I was so lost in my world and touched absolute unreachability once, all together. I was almost unreachable.

- I returned home. We got engaged. -

Anyway, then came to Canada. It was difficult to understand a different way of living once again, but it was comfortable once understood. Got a job as a contract software engineer. "Contract" Software Engineer - I didn't know that such a thing existed. The client was one of my previous employers in India. Well, I was at the peak of my unmotivated state related to working. I was super active with friends over phone calls, with reading books, watching movies, and smoking weed. Got fired within three weeks. Fiancee was still very helpful - just some advice and her deep concern and care.

Things didn't change though. I was somehow happy. I just didn't want to work. I like puzzles, not water tapping. No regrets though for getting fired from that job. Anyway, I was lost in my new found spirituality. I had started listening to classical Indian music, the music of other cultures, and Jiddu Krishnamurti, Sadguru. Then, one-night while being moderately high, I found the answer to my question. I realized, even if I become a monk - I would still have to work hard to attain God. God does not need someone who is not willing to do his share.

Got another contract software engineer job soon. And, I love this job. I met one of the best team members once again. Currently working there. 

- We are getting married in a few months. - 

This diary will detail the life of a typical software engineer. I am sure, by the end, he will only be left as a "frustrated software engineer".

#backstory #software-engineer